09/26/2003 Entry: "bax"

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I'm back from my 'short' hiatus, which was longer than I intended. I was really planning on blogging now, but several things have happened and right now I have some weird thoughts going on in my head.

First off, I went to the doctor's today. Dr. Jose started examining me and told me I had mild scoliosis. I was warned about this a few years ago, but I really didn't care. But it supposidly has gotten worse, so he recommended I go get some X-rays done. Well, I didn't. =\ I'm scared of the results. I don't want to have to wear a back brace... Not during my high school year. I've seen plenty of people who look like they have scoliosis, and I don't see them wearing back braces. I don't get it.

Anyway, thinking of that makes me depressed... so I'm going to talk about my 'weird thoughts'. Recently... I told Ivan that I wanted to seperate for a while. Not a 'breaking up' seperation, but just... a time for us to go our own ways. Well, it never happened. So, of course, after that experience, we felt a little 'edgy' around each other (which is normal, I'm sure). But even after everything went back to normal, I've been feeling down and annoyed. I haven't really been laughing, smiling, or talking a lot. Instead, I've been thinking. All the thoughts that are floating around in my head are negative ones, all pointed towards Ivan. ._. I don't know why... but it's really, really bad. All these thoughts are about breaking up with him, getting away from him, not talking to him, getting pissed off at him, commanding him, and so on. It seems everything he says to me makes me annoyed even more. I can't seem to laugh at the funny things he says, or smile when he says something 'cute' to me.

I'm really, really hoping this is just a momentary thing. I can vaguely remember this happening with my past friends, and I regreted it several months later because I lost them... totally. Right now I really don't care if I lose Ivan... Almost as if I don't want him anymore. But I know I do... because right now I'm just thinking negatively. And it sucks because I can't seem to stop. >.< This better end by Monday, because if it doesn't... I think I could see us falling apart... and then... breaking up.

Someone, please, give me some medication to cure this... I don't want to lose my Ivan-kun. ._. It's making me sad that I can't be happy when he is.

... ... ... Anyway... on the 'happier' side of things, just so everyone won't be giving a heavy sigh and asking why I'm such a baby (xD), loookkk~! Final Fantasy VII 'movie' eh? Wonderful! FFVII is my favourite FF game, after all. Sephy looks hella slick, like always, and Cloud looks nice. <3 I just hope the storyline doesn't ruin the first game... Even though FFVII's ending didn't make THAT much sense, I just hope it doesn't get ruined by this 'movie'. Sequel's are usually never that good. =\

Well, I hope everyone's doing good in school and so on. I'm not. ;_; I have two F's... one in Geometry and the other in Economics. I'm hoping I can bring them up soon. I hate both of those classes so much. >.< Anyway, I've been getting on AIM lately. I hope to talk to everyone when I get on again. <3

Oh yeah, I can't forget... New layout at whisperSlip.nu. =]

// comments

FF7 movie?! Where? @@

Vincent.. *drool*

Yeivori // 10/06/03 // 01:54 PM

i got hacked for no reason :(!!~!! can u host me? im hoping it will work this time

coftia // 10/06/03 // 12:09 PM

welcome back ^^

Joey // 10/04/03 // 09:17 AM

hey. tricia here... welcome back!;) anyway... i have a really really big favor to ask of you... *sigh* huwaa... i'm too shy. oh well. never mind... tell you next time. *wink-wink* thanks again for hosting me... for the 3rd/4th month now...

tricia // 10/04/03 // 04:40 AM

welcome back!!!~

coftia // 09/29/03 // 11:50 AM

uhhh....well this is the "Jason", I got bored on carisa's computer and decieded to check your journal thing. Since we never talk anymore I obviouslly would'nt have known that you and Ivan are going through this turmoil. I'll maybe talk to you at school about it, if you want. I do still want to be a psyciatrist anyway. Well kinda sounds like a classic case of being "sick" of him. You've spent too much time with him and only him. Carisa and I are the only ones I've ever heard of that spend sooo much time together that dont get "sick" of each other. well more details later. bye. Ohh yeah, I like your site!

Jason // 09/28/03 // 08:35 PM

Aw, sweetie! Hang in there! *hugs* Just remember that I still care about you! :) I hope everything works out with Ivan. Things like that just happen. Maybe he just need to be reminded that even though you both need your space, it doesn't mean you care less for each other. :) I LOVE the new layout for whisperslip.nu btw. <33333

Val // 09/28/03 // 03:51 AM

Hey! I haven't been on MSN or AIM lately. School's been really hard. If I don't stop and concentrate on school, I can't get into a good university. But it's the weekend so I'm glad I stopped by here. ^ ^ The problem that exists between you two is getting bigger. ;_; I do hope everything will work out to a nice solution. I wouldn't want Rae to feel sad. >_< And you'll do fine if you work on the geo. and econ. =) I'm sure it'll go up! And *_* I WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE! CLOUD LOOKS HOOOOOOOOT! <3 Thanks for sharing the pic with me. ^ ^ I wonder if we'll ever see it. And yeah... it better not ruin the impressions of people whose never played the game. ;_; By the way, the new layout at wslip.nu looks SUPAH lovely. =) I love the image, the colour, the texture, everything =) Even though I don't talk to you that often anymore, I want you to know that I'm still your friend! ^ ^ I'll be cheering you on! Good luck with school, love, and life. XD Till then~ *hugs*

Misaki // 09/27/03 // 10:42 PM

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