My Weblog

Thursday, March 25th

cutting

music: Counting Crows - Colourblind
mood: Dazed

I really need a notebook that I can write things down in. Whenever I find out something, I always review in my head what I would write down. It's very important to me. Yesterday when I found out my sister had self-injured herself in the bathroom during first period, I was dying to write it down. I had no access to the Internet to blog about it, so writing was my only way. I ended up writing down what I felt and thought on a science question...

Anyway, this morning I saw my sister take off the bandages around her wrists before she went to school. I saw only one arm, but it was enough. There were about five cuts, not too deep, but enough for me to look away. They were dark red, and so fresh...

About a week or two before yesterday, my sister had went to a mental institution in Atlanta to get help. She went because a few days before she ran away with her friend. My mother, God... she was so scared, so worried. She called everyone, did everything she could to find Caity. And late at night, the day after she ran away, a friend found her. I only said one petty sentence to her: "I read your blog, and it was really nice." And then I just burst into tears and went inside. It was really hard to handle...

I thought she would be okay after that, but I forget how hard it is to overcome some things sometimes. I understand cutting herself is a way to release tension and whatnot. But, when I think about cutting (even before Caity started doing it to herself), I always cringed and looked away... I just can't imagine the pain... and *why* that method. I would rather eat and eat and eat and get really fat before I *ever* cut myself! Unfortunately, it varies for everyone...

I was reading this site and it helped me understand a lot about cutting. The truth is, like they said, they have to *want* to stop cutting.

I just hope she wants that...
Raechell on 03.25.04 @ 10:21 AM EST [link]8 flew



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