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03/25/2004: "cutting"

music: Counting Crows - Colourblind
mood: Dazed

I really need a notebook that I can write things down in. Whenever I find out something, I always review in my head what I would write down. It's very important to me. Yesterday when I found out my sister had self-injured herself in the bathroom during first period, I was dying to write it down. I had no access to the Internet to blog about it, so writing was my only way. I ended up writing down what I felt and thought on a science question...

Anyway, this morning I saw my sister take off the bandages around her wrists before she went to school. I saw only one arm, but it was enough. There were about five cuts, not too deep, but enough for me to look away. They were dark red, and so fresh...

About a week or two before yesterday, my sister had went to a mental institution in Atlanta to get help. She went because a few days before she ran away with her friend. My mother, God... she was so scared, so worried. She called everyone, did everything she could to find Caity. And late at night, the day after she ran away, a friend found her. I only said one petty sentence to her: "I read your blog, and it was really nice." And then I just burst into tears and went inside. It was really hard to handle...

I thought she would be okay after that, but I forget how hard it is to overcome some things sometimes. I understand cutting herself is a way to release tension and whatnot. But, when I think about cutting (even before Caity started doing it to herself), I always cringed and looked away... I just can't imagine the pain... and *why* that method. I would rather eat and eat and eat and get really fat before I *ever* cut myself! Unfortunately, it varies for everyone...

I was reading this site and it helped me understand a lot about cutting. The truth is, like they said, they have to *want* to stop cutting.

I just hope she wants that...

Replies: 10 flew

on Saturday, May 8th, Alycia said

that girl is tweakin out.

on Saturday, May 1st, Blah said


on Wednesday, March 31st, Jul said

Rae, I'm glad you're back. I tried emailing you but I don't know if that ever got through. I think cutting may be they dont know what else to do, frustrated, physical abuse to themselves seems like the only solution. :/ Don't lose hope :P

on Wednesday, March 31st, Nia said

I hope she gets help and ends up wanting to quit. Don't let it pull you down nyoo :hehe:

on Tuesday, March 30th, coftia said

omg poor sisy... i hope she heals well! and fast. ur smilies are adorable rae o_o *goes to that site* and ur htk is looking fly

on Monday, March 29th, donna said

oh wow! nice layout girl!! i <3 it a lot!

on Saturday, March 27th, Kawaii said

I'm praying for your sister Rae. =) I hope she stops hurting herself soon.

on Friday, March 26th, Jakob said

Oh hey Raechell, I just realized that Robby also cuts his arms. Ill ask him about the whole thing and see if he has any advice on quitting if it helps any. :confused:

on Thursday, March 25th, Stephen said

rachel, my friend told em that cutting was a way to focus on the pain on the outside. i hope yoursister pulls herself together. i dont want her to hurt herself. and i dont even know her.

on Thursday, March 25th, Sora said

I hope your sister wants to quit as well. xx

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